


Caught Red-Handed (And Red-Faced, Red-Shirted- Food Colouring's No Joke.)

by DontOffendTheBees



Series: Food For Thought: A Step-By-Step Guide To Confession Via Confection [3]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Baking, Crying, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Romance, Schmoop, those three little words ;)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-22
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-10-22 17:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10701987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DontOffendTheBees/pseuds/DontOffendTheBees
Summary: 'Dirk was kind of a shitty person to share a bed with.And Todd… was completely, stupidly, head over fucking heels in love with the idiot.'In which Dirk and Todd celebrate a year of cases solved with arguable efficiency through the medium of cake and heartfelt confessions. Third and final part of the Food For Thought series, containing angsty schmoop and a crying Dirk because I'm a nasty little goblin.





	Caught Red-Handed (And Red-Faced, Red-Shirted- Food Colouring's No Joke.)

**Author's Note:**

> What time is it? Time for BROTZLY BAKING PART 3 MOFOS!!
> 
> This probably isn’t my best offering ‘cause unlike the others which I wrote over a couple of days, I pretty much banged this one out in a fit of inspiration today. So apologies for any mistakes or incoherent bits- might go back and fix it later!
> 
> Maybe leave us the odd little comment if you enjoy? You’d sure make this struggling writer’s day ^_^
> 
> Right, time to get angsty and fluffy up in here- enjoy!

Todd was puzzled. Which was pretty common, what with the kind of cases they got, but this was a very particular kind of puzzlement. From an unexpected but not unpleasant change in his life.

He was _happy._

Not just happy every now and then, not just passably functioning in the real world. _Happy_ happy. He smiled every day now, at least a few times. He was getting back into his guitar practice, and even writing songs now then. He was waking up in the morning and actually _getting out of bed_ because for the first time in as long as he could remember, being awake was an appealing concept. When he was awake he could drink coffee- the good stuff, he made sure to splash out on it these days- and play his guitar. He could go outside, go to work, go solve whatever batshit-crazy case had fallen into their laps this time and feel undeniably, brilliantly _alive_. He could play darts with Farah, he could phone Amanda- she still hadn’t entirely forgiven him, but she wasn’t ignoring his calls anymore- and hear the latest crazy Rowdy stories.

And of course, being awake meant spending time with Dirk.

More often than not, when he opened his eyes in the morning, Dirk was the first thing he laid eyes on. He’d given up the pretence of sneaking into Todd’s house after nightmares and more or less just moved himself in. Todd woke almost every day to the sight of Dirk Gently, fast asleep and wearing Todd’s Mexican Funeral t-shirt, snuggled up under the covers and snuffling lightly into the pillows. Sometimes he drooled. Todd often woke up feeling one or two pointy knees or elbows jabbing him, cold feet pressed against his legs.

Dirk was kind of a shitty person to share a bed with.

And Todd… was completely, stupidly, head over fucking heels in love with the idiot. Even if he hadn’t quite worked up the courage to say it out loud, yet. But he was, and he knew it, and so did Dirk. It was enough, for now.

Getting Dirk out of bed was always a challenge- he was definitely not a morning person. Sometimes Todd would give up and stay in bed with him a while longer- there were plenty of things they could do there, after all. Sometimes he’d get up first and coax Dirk from his blanket cocoon with a cup of tea and the smell of pancakes. It was rare for Todd to wake up second, but when he did it was to see Dirk, still comfy in bed, watching him in some kind of daze with a goofy smile on his face. Uncommon as they were, Todd fucking loved those mornings.

Except for one.

It had happened a few weeks back. He’d slept in a little- he had spent all night going through surveillance footage with Farah and a very bored and restless Dirk, after all. He’d woken up to find Dirk’s eyes already open, but he wasn’t lying all cosy under the duvet. He had the covers thrown back, legs hanging off the bed as if he was getting out of it, and he was watching Todd over his shoulder. It wasn’t his usual fond-goofy morning look, though. In fact, if Todd had to pinpoint the emotion in his eyes, he’d go ahead and call it panic.

He’d asked about it, of course. But Dirk banished the look from his face, dredged up a smile, and said it was nothing. He’d gone to get Todd his morning coffee before he could press any further.

Ever since that morning, there’d been something… off about Dirk. Not enough to be noticeable to anyone who didn’t know him inside and out. But Todd could see it- and sometimes he figured Farah could, too, although she never brought it up. Maybe she figured they were having relationship problems and didn’t want to butt in. He’d love to correct her, but, well… _were they?_ Maybe he’d done something to upset Dirk without realising. Still, Dirk was pretty blunt at the best of times- he’d never had a problem with calling Todd out on his bullshit in the past. He wouldn’t just suffer in silence if it was Todd’s fault, right? And he never pulled away when Todd kissed him, and was pretty much always up for… _stuff_ , whenever Todd suggested it. Come to think of it, Dirk hadn’t actually _initiated_ anything in ages. Not to say he wasn’t enthusiastic- Todd always made absolutely certain that Dirk was as into it as he was, that was for sure- but he just wasn’t… taking leaps. Which was pretty damn weird, now he thought about it. Ever since Todd had made it clear to Dirk that he _liked_ the kissing, he’d been getting them sprung on him at the most bizarre times. It was inconvenient sometimes, but like Hell was he gonna complain about it.

He hadn’t realised how much he enjoyed all those random ‘surprise kisses’ until they were gone.

He watched Dirk thoughtfully across the office, where he was cursing at the printer. If there was one thing that could be relied on to make life at the otherwise easy-going agency Hell, it was a faulty printer. The day Todd met a printer that could just print things without being an asshole about it was the day he’d truly seen everything.

Dirk had passed by Todd’s desk to get there. A few weeks ago, he probably would have grinned at Todd, said ‘inappropriate workplace kiss!’ in a sing-song voice and pecked him on the lips before going about his day. Today he’d just walked on by, no eye contact, even. Something was definitely up. The fact that Dirk didn’t want to talk about it didn’t bode well- most of the time it was impossible to make him _shut up_. Well, almost impossible. Since they’d started dating Todd had a few more tricks up his sleeve, but they were all pretty risky to exploit at work when Farah or a client could walk in at any moment. He realised his thoughtful gazing had turned to openly ogling Dirk’s ass. He blushed and raised his eyes, just in time to catch a glimpse of Dirk hurriedly turning his attention back to the printer. Looked like he wasn’t the only one who’d been caught red-handed.

He got up slowly, crossing the room in even strides and carefully checking the door on the way past. No sign of Farah coming back from her break yet. He fetched up beside Dirk at the printer, nudging him lightly with his elbow to make his presence known.

Dirk turned his head, lips curving into a smile the second their eyes met. Todd matched it, glancing between Dirk and the door, reaching out to catch Dirk’s tie in his hand and hoping he caught his drift. Dirk’s wide eyes and wider smile told him that his intention was _definitely_ understood.

He leaned up at the same time as Dirk leaned down, their lips slotting together as if they’d been made for it. He heard Dirk make a soft little _‘Ah’_ sound on a release of breath, and shivered as the blood rushed from his head. God, three months of dating and he’d developed some Pavlovian reaction to any little sound he could draw out of Dirk. He was so completely, totally screwed.

 _Shit._ Three months. Four, actually, if you count the month he wasted kissing and then avoiding. Longest lasting relationship of his life to date- pretty depressing, honestly, for a guy in his thirties. He couldn’t be too sad about it, though. Maybe all the holistic mumbo-jumbo was rubbing off on him, but he kind of felt like he’d been waiting for Dirk to show up. And this thing they had now was more than worth the wait.

They broke contact a moment, Todd checking the door again. Still no sign of Farah. He smiled and turned back to Dirk, ready to pick up where they left off.

But Dirk wasn’t smiling anymore. He was staring at Todd, lips slightly parted, eyes wide, breathing uneven as he caught it from the kiss, and he looked… terrified. It was like someone had upended a bucket of ice water over Todd’s head. “Dirk?” he asked, concerned. “Dirk, what’s wrong?”

And then the look was gone, as quickly as it had showed, and Dirk was smiling again. It was a pale imitation of his earlier smile, and it didn’t even come close to his eyes. “Nothing.”

Todd didn’t buy that for even a second. But Dirk had that look on his face again- Todd knew it as the ‘please don’t call me psychic again’ look, the one that suggested Dirk was deeply uncomfortable with the situation and unsure how to properly express it. So Todd snapped his mouth shut and gave a tight nod, and stepped back to let Dirk get back to his fight with the printer.

Dirk may not want to talk about this now, but he couldn’t avoid it forever. Whatever it was, it was obviously eating him alive. Todd needed to get him comfortable enough to open up- clearly work wasn’t the place to have this conversation. Neither was home, apparently- Dirk had been doing just as good a job of avoiding the conversation there. But apart from work and home, where was there? What the heck would Dirk consider a ‘safe space’?

And then it hit him.

“Hey,” Todd said, leaning against the wall. “How long’s it been since we moved in here?” he gestured at their chaotic office.

Dirk frowned. “Not sure,” he said, in a tone that suggested he absolutely _was_ sure and just didn’t want to let on. “About ten months?”

“Closer to a year, don’t you think?” Todd asked. Almost exactly a year, actually, now that he thought about it.

“Maybe,” Dirk said tightly. And okay, he was _definitely_ being weird about this.

“We should celebrate,” Todd said, shrugging like it wasn’t that big a deal. “We could invite Farah round. Hell, maybe I could even persuade Amanda to make an appearance.”

Dirk still looked uneasy, but he’d softened a little. “That… would be nice.”

Todd considered him a moment, before finally getting to the point. “Maybe we could… bake a cake. For the anniversary.”

Dirk gaped at him. “You mean…” he whispered, wide-eyed. “Todd, are _you_ proposing a _baking night?”_

“Guess so,” Todd grinned. Already the light was returning to Dirk’s eyes- this had clearly been the right call. He could see Dirk losing his inhibitions already. Truth be told, he didn’t really want to almost destroy his kitchen again. But if the last two times had set a precedent for anything, it was jumping obstructive relationship hurdles. Granted, before it had been mainly Todd putting up the hurdles and Dirk jumping them, but there was a first time for everything, right?

Dirk gave a triumphant _“a-ha!”_ , pointing right at Todd’s face. “I _knew_ you secretly enjoyed them!”

Todd rolled his eyes. “Shut up.”

“Well, never you fear, Todd,” Dirk said, proud as a peacock, snatching up the mangled flyers the wheezing printer had churned out with a flourish. “Your wish is my command. Baking night, your place, tomorrow- I’ll bring the ingredients. Ooh, what type of cake should we make? So many possibilities! No, no- I’ll surprise you! Tomorrow night!”

“Maybe we could start earlier this time,” Todd suggested, testing the water. “Then we can invite Farah and Amanda along later. Y’know, for the anniversary thing?”

Dirk hesitated just long enough for Todd to consider backtracking. But he shook it off, and plastered on a smile that was just a bit thinner than before. And nodded. “Yeah. Of course. Sounds like… a plan. Well, I’m not the best at time- but you can text me when you’re ready!”

“Yeah, sure,” Todd muttered, watching Dirk amble back to his cluttered desk with unease. Something about this anniversary was definitely bugging him.

Hopefully, whatever weird baking truth spell was on his kitchen would be on his side a third time.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Red velvet cake,” Todd asked, frowning at the recipe Dirk had brought up on his phone. “Do you even _like_ red velvet cake?”

“Never tried it,” Dirk said cheerfully, retrieving bowls and utensils from Todd’s significantly better-stocked cupboards. “But it’s so pretty!”

Todd rolled his eyes. “Of course that’s why you wanna make it.”

“It’s a celebration, Todd- what better time to push the boat out?” he glanced at him, and that same wariness was in his eyes even though he was doing better to hide it. “What time’s Farah coming?”

“Nine, we’ve got about three hours,” Todd said. “She… she persuaded Amanda to come.”

Dirk looked at him sympathetically. “This the first time you’ve seen her since…?”

“Since the CIA thing? Yeah,” Todd grimaced. He and Amanda may have buried the hatchet long enough to work together to bust Dirk and the other Rowdies out, but she obviously hadn’t forgiven him. He wasn’t sure he blamed her. “We talk on the phone sometimes. But sometimes I think she’s just waiting ‘til she can hang up.”

“She needs time,” Dirk said wisely. It would have sounded wiser if he wasn’t trying to open a plastic pot of cocoa powder from the wrong end.

“Maybe,” Todd said, taking the pot and opening it for him. “But I’m not sure I’d blame her if she never forgave me.”

“Well, be that as it may,” Dirk said, taking the pot back with a little nod of thanks. “I hope she does. I miss her.”

“Yeah, me too,” Todd murmured. It was a massive fucking understatement. Some days he missed his sister so much it was like a physical weight on his chest. But he’d made his bed and now he had to lie in it. And he still had Dirk, which was probably more than he deserved. He shut that train of thought down- Dirk always wagged his finger at him and gave him a speech whenever he thought Todd was about to start feeling sorry for himself.

“Maybe one day you’ll get the band back together!” Dirk mused cheerfully, tipping what was probably too much cocoa powder into a bowl.

“We never really had one,” Todd shoved a tablespoon into his hand. “You need three spoons of that. We should probably at least _try t_ o make something edible this time.”

Dirk rolled his eyes, but got spooning all the same. “I find that hard to believe. You play guitar, she plays drums, you grew up together- why were you never in a band together?”

“We jammed when we were kids, but we were too busy with our own friends for anything else,” he explained. It made his chest ache a little just thinking back to those days. “And then I went to college, and started lying about the disease and after that… it just didn’t happen. I couldn’t spend long around her without her finding out I was making it up, I had to keep her and my parents as far away from me and the band as possible. And then she really _did_ get the disease. You know, every other time we jammed together after that, she’d have to stop because of attacks- she’d feel like the sticks were slicing her skin or like the vibrations were electric shocks. I guess she kind of gave up the idea…” if his chest was aching before, now it felt like it was trapped in a vice. “She always did want her own band, though. I should have listened sooner. Spent more time with her.”

He felt Dirk’s hand land in that awkward but well-meaning way of his on his shoulder. “You weren’t to know, Todd.”

Todd smiled at him gratefully. Maybe one day, he’d have heard Dirk say that so many times he’d actually start to believe it.

“Well,” Dirk huffed, handing Todd a box of eggs. “We’d better get cracking! Maybe our cake’ll be so delicious, she’ll forgive you on the spot! They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”

“She’s not a man.”

“She… has ‘man’ in her name. Near enough.”

Todd laughed, and Dirk grinned like it was a victory.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“How’s the mixing going?”

“Actually, not bad,” Todd said, surprised. He was creaming together the butter, sugar and eggs, and so far nothing had been spilled and it all seemed okay. Suspiciously okay. “Cocoa and colouring next, right?”

“Right,” Dirk agreed, hovering over the bowl of cocoa powder, bottle of red colouring in hand. “I’m on it!”

 _“Be careful,”_ Todd said, with emphasis. “That stuff’s pretty strong. Two spoons, that’s all the recipe says we need.”

Dirk looked affronted. “Honestly, Todd,” he said, unscrewing the cap. “You need to start having a little more faith in-s _hit!”_

Todd gaped at Dirk’s now empty hand, and then down at the bowl where the bottle now lay, open and completely upended, in the cocoa powder. “… _How?”_

Dirk winced. “…Silly me.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

There wasn’t enough colouring salvageable for a second batch once it had soaked in, so they wound up just running with it. The mixture in Todd’s bowl now was the most alarming shade of red he’d ever seen in his life, not muted at all by the flour and buttermilk they were adding. Dirk was absolutely hypnotised.

“I should get a red jacket,” he said, eyes following the spoon as Todd swirled it through the mixture. “Todd, why don’t I have a red jacket yet?”

“Because Farah threatened to give you a pay cut if you kept wasting all the agency’s money on jackets?”

“Ah. Yes, forgot about that.”

Todd looked up with a fond smile. It froze on his face when he found that Dirk wasn’t looking at the bowl anymore. Once again he was looking right at Todd, and once again there was something anxious beneath the surface. It took him a moment to realise he wasn’t so much looking _at_ Todd as _through_ him.  “Dirk?” Todd prodded, brow furrowing. “You okay?”

Dirk blinked, eyes re-focusing. “Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You just… kinda disappeared, for a moment there.”

“Just… thinking.”

“About?”

For a moment, it looked like Dirk might just come out and tell him. But then the moment was gone, and he smiled and shook his head. “Nothing. Not worth mentioning. Vanilla next, is it?”

“Yeah,” Todd muttered, unsatisfied. What was bugging Dirk that he didn’t think he could talk about? His pessimistic side was offering up all kind of suggestions, none of them good.

And then Dirk started humming, as if nothing had happened. It took Todd a moment to place the tune, and then he was even more confused.

“Is that… are you humming _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_?” he asked, incredulous. “It’s the middle of July, you know.”

“I thought it was appropriate.”

“What, why?”

Dirk beamed, dipped his finger in the bowl, and swiped red across the tip of Todd’s nose. _“Rudolph, with your nose so bright-!”_

“Fuck off.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The rest of the mixing and preparing went along, surprisingly, without a hitch. Although Dirk had enjoyed the first splodge of red on Todd’s face so much that he’d continued to decorate both of them with some kind of clumsy sugary war paint. Todd was finding it hard not to laugh at the wonky red cat whiskers on Dirk’s cheeks.

But every now and then he looked up and caught Dirk with that pensive look on his face, and suddenly it wasn’t so funny anymore.

He made it right up until it was time to put the cake in the oven before he broke.

“Stop,” he said, stilling Dirk’s hand as he made to pick up the tin.

Dirk frowned. “What, did we forget something? I’m _sure_ I put the sugar in this time.”

“No, it’s just…” Todd sighed, carefully guiding Dirk’s hands away from the cake. “We always do this.”

“…Yes, we do. Baking’s a very important step. It’s how we take the things we’ve mixed together and make them edible. _Well_ , theoretically.”

“No, I mean we always do _this,”_ Todd said, gesturing between them. “Talk, have a moment, make-out, whatever. We always do it after we’ve put the cake or cookies or whatever in the oven and then we let them burn and I’m just- I’m putting my foot down. Breaking the cycle. That cake doesn’t go in the oven until you’ve talked to me.”

“About what?” Dirk asked, playing innocent (unconvincingly. Dirk couldn’t play it cool if he was literally locked in a freezer.)

“I know when you’re not telling me something, Dirk,” Todd said, keeping a hold of his wrists. “You have exactly zero chill about it when you’re lying. Just… say what you wanna say. Let’s get this over with. ‘Kay?”

Dirk went through a series of interesting facial twitches, as if trying to quickly and quietly puzzle out a way to avoid this conversation. But after a moment his forehead smoothed out and he sighed, hands tensing. Todd slid his own down from Dirk’s wrists to loosely twine their fingers. He had a hunch that once Dirk started talking he was going to need grounding.

“It’s just… hard to believe,” he said quietly, staring intently at their joined hands like maybe they held the secret to life, the universe and everything. “That it’s been a year. The last time I stayed in one place this long, I didn’t get a chance to stay longer. A place I _wanted_ to be, that is. I’ve stayed far too long in… others.”

His grip on Todd’s hands tightened. “I can still feel it, Todd. The universe, all the strings and threads. I can still see them, swimming right in front of my eyes, demanding my attention. It’s like I’m trying to read a script, while it’s being written, by a writer with no concept of proper grammar and it’s just _waiting_ to send me off in an entirely new direction, whether I want to go or not, and believe me, I do _not,_ but…” he swallowed, and Todd could see moisture glistening in the corners of his eyes. “I-It’s never exactly taken my preferences into account before, so…”

He let out a shaky breath, meeting Todd’s gaze finally and looking the most lost and scared Todd had seen him in over a year. “I just… can’t help feeling that it’s going to take you away from me. All of you- Farah and the agency, but you especially. And I don’t kn-know what I’ll do this time, and…”

But by that point he was sniffling too much to talk, and the tears were rolling down his cheeks and he was wiping them away with his sleeve and smudging his cat whiskers and holy shit he was _crying._

“Dirk?” Todd said, panicking a little. He’d seen Dirk get a little teary-eyed before but this… he had no idea what to do. “Dirk, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay! I’m right here, look!”

“Yeah, _for now_ ,” Dirk sniffed, and oh God, Todd’s heart was fucking _breaking._

“Dirk, I’m not going anywhere!” he said, reaching up to cup his tear-stained face in his hands. “Hey- look at me, ‘kay? I’m not going anywhere!”

“It might not be your _choice,_ Todd,” Dirk said miserably, laying his hand on top of Todd’s and squeezing. “I know it won’t be mine, but the universe-“

_“Screw the universe!”_

He didn’t know what possessed him to say it so forcefully, but they could’ve heard a pin drop in the silence that followed. Todd let out a breath, leaning forward, eyes to the floor. “Just… screw it.”

“Todd…”

“No, Dirk, I…” he huffed out a breath, mind racing, searching for the right words in all the mess in his head. “If… if you’d said this a few months ago, maybe we wouldn’t have got together.”

Dirk opened his mouth, but Todd forged on. “I was scared shitless of ruining our friendship and losing you. Hell, if you’d said this a month ago, I still might have… I don’t know. Maybe I would’ve thought it’d be better- _easier_ , for both of us, if we went back to being… whatever we were before. So that when whatever happens happens, maybe it wouldn’t fucking destroy me so much.”

Dirk was watching him with sad understanding, like he was waiting for Todd to twist the knife, and it made him sick. Dirk was still so ready to believe he could just… fall out of Todd’s life. Like it was a painful inevitability and he just had to get used to it. Fuck that. _Fuck t_ hat.

“Hey,” he said, softer this time, brushing away tears from Dirk’s cheek with his thumb. “When you met me, I was exactly the kind of guy who’d cut and run. I was a lonely, selfish loser with no job and no money and no goddamn purpose except to try and make up for all the shitty things I did to my parents and my sister. And then you came along, and despite all the crazy shit you brought with you it’s like my entire life made _sense_ for the first time and I stopped being that cold, pale shell of a person and turned my life around, and I did it because of _you._ And I don’t care if the universe comes at us from every possible angle, I am _not_ giving that up without a fight.”

He leaned in, pressing his forehead to Dirk’s and closing his eyes. “I’m not giving _you_ up without a fight. I promise. As long as you want me, I’ll fight off the universe with my bare hands to keep you.”

“But… why?”

He said it so quietly that Todd almost missed it. He snapped his eyes open in disbelief, and was met by a very familiar face. He’d seen it once before, the day Dirk got out of hospital after their first case. Like he couldn’t even _conceive_ of any possible reason for Todd to be there, giving him clothes and a smile after everything they’d said to each other.

He really _didn’t know._

And now Todd was kicking himself again, because of _course_ he didn’t. He’d never said it, just assumed Dirk would be able to read between the lines. Jesus, did he even know Dirk at all?

Well, if there was ever a time that it needed to be said, this was it.

“Because,” he said, almost as quietly, making sure that Dirk was looking him in the eye. He could feel his heart in his throat, fighting its way up along with the words he’d been putting off. “I love you.”

Dirk’s breathing stuttered to a halt on a sharp intake, eyes wide and glistening and searching Todd’s for any hint of a lie. He wasn’t going to find one.

Todd sighed, stroking Dirk’s cheek once more before releasing it. “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, quiet but firm, and he was pretty sure it was the most honest thing he’d ever said. “I promise.”

Dirk was, apparently, speechless. Would miracles never cease? “Come on,” Todd said, gesturing to the cake tin. “Let’s get this thing in the oven. We wanna have time to decorate it before the others show up.”

Dirk nodded dumbly, reaching out to open the oven door as Todd picked up the tin. He slid it into place, checking they’d set the dials to pre-heat to the right temperature, and nodded. “We’re not gonna burn it this time, Dirk,” he said softly, sitting on the floor opposite the oven and patting the space beside him. “You’ll see. History doesn’t always have to repeat itself.”

He stared straight ahead at the oven as he felt Dirk sit down gingerly by his side. He wasn’t sure he could handle looking directly at him with the rawness of the moment still fresh in his mind, but he spared a glance out the corner of his eye. Dirk’s eyes were still wet, face still tear-stained and blotchy, but as he too stared at the oven his lips were lifting, ever so slightly, into the softest smile Todd had ever seen him wear.

Todd lifted his hand from his knee, resting it palm-up on the floor between them.

And though he was no psychic, even he could feel the way the universe slipped back into balance when Dirk took it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

They stared at it in calm, captivated silence. It took Dirk a few tries to get his voice working well enough to speak. “It’s perfect.”

Okay, so technically it wasn’t _perfect._ The cake hadn’t risen as much in the middle as it could have, and the spills up the side of the tin had gone blackened and crispy. But the cake itself didn’t have a burned edge in sight, and Dirk had a pleasant little hunch that they wouldn’t find a soggy bottom when they turned it over, either. And it was perhaps the most dazzling red he’d ever seen.

“See?” Todd whispered, grinning. “We did it.”

Dirk wasn’t sure whether he was talking to himself or not, but he had to agree. “Yes,” he said softly. “We did…”

He felt like something was settling inside him. The strings were receding a moment, the world stopped spinning and he could _see_. He could see the thing he and Todd made together, standing proud and intact and undoubtedly delicious. He could see Todd himself, grinning at the cake in a goofy way that said he was having a similar thought process right now. Todd, his assistant, his best friend and boyfriend and love of his _bloody_ life. Todd, who loved him back.

He reached out to take Todd’s hand. Todd leaned into him, warm and solid and realer than anything Dirk had ever experienced, an anchor in the storm.

“Todd?”

Todd looked up at him, expression soft. “What?”

He didn’t need the universe to give him any cues. He was exactly where he needed to be.

“…I love you, too.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You okay?” Amanda asked, eyeing Farah curiously. “You kinda went into bodyguard mode…”

Farah startled, turning away from her staring contest with Todd’s apartment door. “What? Yes! I’m fine! It’s nothing!”

Amanda gave her a _look._ Farah sighed. “It’s just… I don’t know what state we’re gonna find them in.”

“What d’you mean?”

“They’ve been _baking,”_ Farah said meaningfully.

Amanda wrinkled her forehead. “…Cool. And?”

“It makes them…” Farah glanced awkwardly between Amanda and the door, not sure she really wanted to have to explain this. “Honestly? I think it’s some kind of aphrodisiac for them.”

Amanda’s eyes widened. “Oh, God, did you walk in on-?”

“Not yet. Not exactly,” Farah said, shaking her head. “But… there’s a first time for everything.”

“Okay, it’s okay,” Amanda said, glancing warily at the door. “We’ll just… knock real loud and announce ourselves before going in, right?”

“Maybe we should just knock and wait for one of them to answer?”

“No way! You always just go straight in, it’ll look like you think something’s up!”

“Damn it.”

“Just knock, wait three seconds, and go,” Amanda advised, shoving her lightly in the shoulder. “It’s fine! They’re probably not having sex- I haven’t heard any grunting!”

“Amanda-!”

“Knock!”

 _“Ugh,”_ Farah groaned, rapping her knuckles on the door.

“Come in!” Dirk’s cheerful voice floated through.

They shared a glance. “Well, that’s a good sign,” Amanda supplied.

Farah nodded, turned the handle, and they stepped inside.

The first thing she noticed was, unsurprisingly, the mess in the kitchen. There were bowls and tins and spoons scattered across every surface, strange red splatters on the floor and countertops.

Three things did stand out as distinctly weird, though.

First off, the cake. It was a cake. Not burned, not flat. And _actual_ cake, standing proudly on the breakfast bar, surrounded by various icing and decorating paraphernalia.

Secondly, Dirk and Todd were fully clothed and incredibly unruffled, no sign of floury handprints or sex hair to be found. Although they did have some smudges of red on their faces- Dirk appeared to have half a set of cat whiskers on his.

And the third observation wasn’t exactly a visual one so much as a distinct feeling upon walking into the apartment. The air felt lighter than it ever had, warm and welcoming in a way she’d never fully associated with Todd’s apartment.

“Amanda!” Dirk exclaimed, abandoning his piping bag and bounding over. “It’s so good to see you! I missed you!”

“Hi, Dirk,” She laughed as he gave her the awkward Dirk shoulder-pat, swatting his hand aside and pulling him into a hug instead. “I missed you, too.”

“Hey, Amanda,” Todd said tentatively, from by the cake.

Amanda released Dirk and stepped back, nodding at Todd. “Hey,” she met his gaze a moment, neither smiling nor frowning, then nodded at the cake. “Looks good.”

“Doesn’t it?” Dirk said excitedly, bouncing on his feet a little. “We didn’t burn it this time! All Todd’s doing, him and his brilliant ideas- he’s coming on in leaps and bounds as an assistant!”

Todd rolled his eyes. “Get over here and finish your icing, asshole.”

“Bossy,” Dirk chastised, but he gravitated right back to Todd’s side anyway. “You’ll never get a promotion with that attitude.”

They continued bickering good-naturedly as Dirk picked up his discarded piping bag, the air between them light and carefree as they traded jibes like an old married couple. Farah and Amanda watched curiously from the side-lines as the other two more or less forgot they were there.

“Are they… _always_ like this, now?” Amanda whispered, glancing at Farah for input.

Farah watched Dirk drop a kiss to the top of Todd’s head. Watched Todd blush and glance up at them but make no move to push Dirk away, just lean in closer. She smiled.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“To _one year_ ,” Dirk grinned, raising his slice of cake like a champagne glass. “Of cases solved with arguable efficiency!”

 _“One year!”_ Everyone else chanted, laughing along. Dirk’s effervescent enthusiasm was contagious.

“And many more,” Todd said, and Farah pretended not to notice the look he gave Dirk, charged with warmth and meaning and, yes, maybe just a _slight_ frisson of sexual tension.

Dirk’s smile softened, and he raised the cake again in Todd’s direction. “And many more,” he agreed.

Farah leaned back in her chair, watching the room. Watching her friends interacting- Dirk and Amanda with laughter and bubbly good-humour, Todd and Amanda with tentative optimism. Dirk and Todd with… something she couldn’t quite put into words. For all they talked to Farah and Amanda, they were never away from each other’s sides long.

It looked, and felt, an awful lot like a home.

She smiled, biting into her cake as Dirk went off on another tangent about a case involving an electric monk, his hand slipped surreptitiously in Todd’s back pocket.

It was the best goddamn cake she’d ever tasted.

**Author's Note:**

> Me: Emotions are gross!
> 
> Also me: *is a big sappy fluff-monster*
> 
> Everyone who’s stuck with it to the end, be it from the start of this series or even just this installment, thank you from the bottom of my chilly little heart. You teach this old grinch to feel <3 I shall miss my baking boys, but until such time as enough plot ideas present themselves to turn this into an inaccurately named trilogy of five, I think this is where we must leave them. Sob.
> 
> Thanks for reading kiddos! <3 ^_^


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